Long story cut very short, I am now living back in Cymru with my gorgeous little man, who is now 3 years old fyi (where did that go?) and we have a lovely home together. He has blossomed into a funny, crazy, clever, loving little boy who I couldn't be prouder of; every day he comes out with something new especially about trains or dinosaurs or Bing the bloody rabbit on CBeebies (yeah it is starting to grate a tad after the 100th time). He is the best part of my life and the one thing I am very very proud of.
So what is with the title I hear you ask? Well, I know life has a tendency to throw curve balls our way, to test our resilience and to allow us to find out how strong we truly are. You would think after a long, arduous labour, postnatal depression, a break up, moving back home from England, moving 3 times in 2 years, being a single mum and all the financial difficulties that can come with and also still battling with anxiety, that life would cut me some slack. No. Not at all. Apparently my test isn't over, apparently life is not satisfied with my trials that I have overcome to the place I am now, which by the way is a reasonably decent place in some respects.
Thankfully, as I age not-so-gracefully, I'm getting sparks of that thing called wisdom, where I am able now to see the bigger picture rather than fall defeated when something else happens in my life that tries to drag me down. I am now getting to know myself after years of ignoring me, and have realised that I am stronger than I previously led myself to believe, although I have realised I have a huge "I don't care" attitude too especially when it comes to other people's opinions of me...Good or bad, I'm not sure. I was talking to my soul sister yesterday and was saying how people around you, even your inner circle, will criticise you in many ways; whether it is your looks, personality, fashion sense, man choices, the way you drive, what you eat, what you drink, how many times you go out, it is constant criticism. I have learnt that you are your only back up and being your own worst critic, which most of us are, then you have no one to trust, no one who will believe in you and you will not have any conviction in your beliefs or decisions. You are your own best line of defence. Since learning that small thing my outlook has changed completely and I'm much happier. Yes it does get exhausting not catching break, but it allows me to show qualities that I didn't know I had and it helps me to believe in myself.
In celebration of this, I got two tattoos: 1 is the Harry Potter Deathly Hallows symbol and the other is a lotus mandala.
The Harry Potter symbol means a lot to me. Yes I am a huge fan of the series (books of course) and I think the world that J.K Rowling created is phenomenal but that wasn't the only reason. HP is full of notions on strength, courage and resilience and, even though it is a "children's" book, it inspires me a hell of a lot.
My lotus mandala has an incredibly special meaning to me. Lotus flowers are beautiful and they grow through the mud, up through murky waters to bloom above them. Even though they have come through all of the dirt and dank waters, they flourish above it all. I feel I have done the same; I have bloomed through all of the crap.
So, back to my title. No me and life aren't friends at the moment because you know what they say: "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" and usually it is your enemies that push you to be better because you want to prove them wrong. And that's exactly what I'm doing.
