Final Countdown

Well, this is it, the final few days before my due date. I know he could still technically take another 2 weeks to come but there's still a sense of finality about it all. One of the biggest changes in my life is about to give way to another and, in all honesty, I am terrified. 

I have been told it is normal to feel anxious, scared, helpless, and even though millions and millions of women have been through this too, I can't help but feel I am the only one going through it all, probably because it's all still so new and different. Now is the time to evaluate everything, to step up to the mark and there's so much pressure on my shoulders as I am the one who has to go through the pain and bring him into this world safely as, being his mother, this is my responsibility. There's no room for slacking or half efforts, this is the time I need man up and give it everything I have. My faith in myself has been floundering so much, especially over the last few weeks, but, once again, my friends and family have overwhelmed me with their complete faith in me and my abilities, both in giving birth and in becoming a mother. Not one person has doubted that I won't be capable of doing either of these, the only one who is doubting both of these is me. 

I have always been incredibly critical of myself, ever since I was young, whether it was my looks, my weight, my abilities in school, I always put myself down, much to the annoyance of my friends. Although part of these issues I have left behind with my teenage years, I am now finding that I am heavily criticising myself on grown up things such as career choices and, of course, being a mum. By telling myself I haven't got the patience or strength to be a mother or that I don't have the capacity or imagination to write a Children's book makes me want to try and prove myself wrong. People may say that this is a good thing but surely it would be easier to just believe in myself and not to add more pressure to the situation? 

The one thing that I can say with absolute confidence is that he is going to be one lucky little boy with family and friends who are going to completely love and adore him. He is going to have a fantastic dad who is going to be a wonderful role model and, being a big kid himself, is going to be so much fun! He's also blatantly going to be the favourite parent too as I am going to have to be the disciplinarian... to both of them that is! Why have I got this feeling they're going to be the terrible twosome?! 

Anyway, we live and learn and that's all I can hope for at the minute. Wish me luck!

xx